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Arts & Récits Autochtones - Broken Man

Broken Man

2017 - Lauréat d’art

Joshua Pawis-Steckley

Vancouver, BC
Wasauksing First Nation
Âge 27

Une note d'auteur

I am Native American and I am broken.

I feel depressed. I let it in and consume me. I have no voice, I have no purpose. I let myself fall victim to my addictions and insecurities. Letting it all get in too easily. I don’t know enough. I’m not good enough. I‘m not native enough. I can't open up and be vulnerable. I become hollow and I feel humiliated.

I get caught up in these thoughts and get angry with myself. I forget that it takes time.

I am broken. Out of balance.

I think back to what life must have been like before the settlers came. Was it ever this uncomfortable? Did they ever feel so disconnected? I imagine it was just as difficult. Maybe even more so. But I’d like to think there was more balance. More harmony. Living a life within nature, not above it. Feeling a connection with all my relations. Feeling a true sense of community and cooperation. My identity is there, I know my purpose.

I can live with a healthy mind, body, spirit and emotions. I can feel at peace.

I am broken but I can heal.

Our ancestors are trying to reach us. Through our stories we can hear them. Through the years and years of struggle and defeat they have been with us here, nurturing us. Telling us to keep going. To keep on fighting. Our stories hold our values, ideals, philosophies. Our identity. The hold a way of life that is true to ourselves. That is respectful of all living things on Mother Earth.

I am broken but I am still beautiful.

My mind may falter but my spirit stays strong. I can see that we will heal. I can see that we will regrow our nations and we will overcome. I can see that our old ways will come back and flourish and we will start a new world. We are the new people and we will return to the old ways. We will be above the corruption and greed. The destruction of our land and the disconnection.

I am not a smart man. I’m not a great man but I am strong and I will keep growing.

I am broken but I am still here.

I will overcome.

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